Sex, a mans struggle can be a wives responsibility, a husbands perspective on temptation.
Sex is the ultimate joining together of a man and woman,the joining together of two spirits; the joining together of two minds; and the joining together of two bodies. In the Old Testament the term for sexual intercourse was "to know" (a husband or wife). The most intimate knowledge of marriage partners comes about through these three joinings in a Christian marriage. This is why Christians can have a much more stimulating sex life.
The Bible says that marriage partners should offer their bodies to each other in marriage and should not deny each other except for a short season for fasting .1 Corinthians 71 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.( You will be tempted because of your lack of self control) Psychotherapist Tina Tessina, PhD, author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage," lists these as the most common causes of sexless marriages: one partner had their feelings hurt or got turned down too many times, one got too busy or neglectful, or one or both partners has a communication problem of some sort.Judith Steinhart, a clinical sexologist in New York City, is more specific: "Problems in a marriage [like] lack of trust, anxiety, financial issues, misunderstandings, pressure from children, all can impact a couple's sexual patterns." The question, of course, is whether refraining from sex causes other problems, or if the other problems stop the sex in the first place?
"It's a cycle," says Mason. In other words, one can exacerbate the other — and before you know it, no one can remember what came first.Never the less there are a lot of christian marriages that this lack of intimacy has lead to affairs,pornography,abuse and divorce, I am looking at this from the male point of view,and what effect a lack of sex and intimacy can have on a man and his behavior. Don't get me wrong we are to and given the strength in Christ to resist all temptation, but we tend to fall victim to it sometimes anyway.For lack of a better term, a horny man is more apt to give way to sexual temptation. while it is true that woman needs to have an emotional attachment and feel secure and safe with her husband,you can help your husband by not withholding sex when he has the desire to be intimate, your husbands sex drive may be more frequent than your level of intimacy and your husband should always respect your feelings and boundaries when it comes to sex. It is when you no longer are meeting your husbands needs on a regular basis that a serious problem arises.He is more prone to engage in masturbation, look at other woman and or pornography.
Matthew 5:28 (NIV)But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So now his desire for you has turned into a burning lust that can give way to fantasy and God forbid some woman giving him attention that he is no longer finding at home. You know what it feels like when you are emotionally neglected, it's that way with a man also, only he has another little brain working against him. Proverbs chapter 7;1 My child, remember what I say and never forget what I tell you to do. 2 Do what I say, and you will live. Be as careful to follow my teaching as you are to protect your eyes. 3 Keep my teaching with you all the time; write it on your heart. 4 Treat wisdom as your sister, and insight as your closest friend. 5 They will keep you away from other men's wives, from women with seductive words. 6 Once I was looking out the window of my house, 7 and I saw many inexperienced young men, but noticed one foolish fellow in particular. 8 He was walking along the street near the corner where a certain woman lived. He was passing near her house 9 in the evening after it was dark. 10 And then she met him; she was dressed like a prostitute and was making plans. 11 She was a bold and shameless woman who always walked the streets 12 or stood waiting at a corner, sometimes in the streets, sometimes in the marketplace. 13 She threw her arms around the young man, kissed him, looked him straight in the eye, and said,14 “Today I fulfilled my vows, and I have food from my fellowship offering at home." 15 I came out looking for you. I wanted to find you, and here you are! 16 I've covered my bed with sheets of colored linen from Egypt. 17 I've perfumed it with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come on! Let's make love all night long. We'll be happy in each others arms. 19 My husband isn't at home. He's on a long trip. 20 He took plenty of money with him and won't be back for two weeks."
21 So she tempted him with her charms, and he gave in to her smooth talk. 22 Suddenly he was going with her like an ox on the way to be slaughtered, like a deer prancing into a trap 23 where an arrow would pierce its heart. He was like a bird going into a net—he did not know that his life was in danger. James 1:14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.( Do you think God knows something about this?) The sight of a beautiful woman has a special power to hold men captive. God designed a natural attraction between the sexes. It exists among all humans and is arguably essential to our survival. Yet what is natural is easily perverted in the hearts and hands of fallen people. Attraction becomes lust and leads to sexual immorality. People get hurt.
There are many temptations in the world but few things hold as much sway over a man’s heart as the sight of a beautiful woman.( subjective of course) David's enemies could not control David’s life like what he innocently observed from the roof top. But was it innocent? Is it possible that David should have been somewhere else? Prior to these verses, we read, “In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem” (II Samuel 11:1). Along with being in the wrong place, it is possible that David knew in advance what he could see from the roof. ( like in the summer when we make the choice to go to the beach where woman are known to wear bikini's that expose themselves)Whatever the factors, men will always be attracted by the sight of women. The fact that the woman was bathing occasioned a more captivating lust in David’s heart.(This is what King David in 2 Samuel Chapter 11 did) vs 2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. like James 1:14-15 said "desire was enticed, conceived, and gave way to sin. This is how it always starts, we entertain the idea, the idea grows and grows until we act on it.That's when the fantasy becomes a reality, and then it's too late. You may say that God forgave David and blessed him anyway, but don't you think he allowed this to use as an example for us to see the error in our condition with regards to lust and what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart,because this is where it leads.When you are intimate with your husband or wife, there is no shame. When you fornicate or masturbate, there is shame, regret, and loss of self-respect and you will try to justify this in your mind by blaming your spouse for unmet physical or emotional needs.
(Unhealthy,unbalanced sex life could lead to pornography and destroy your marriage) There are no hard and fast numbers for the numbers of men who are addicted to pornography but psychologists often say that addiction is a sign of a deeper issue. Researcher Victor Cline (University of Utah) has documented in his research how men become addicted to pornographic materials, begin to desire more explicit or deviant material, and end up acting out what they have seen.
According to Charles Keating of Citizens for Decency Through Law, research reveals that 77 percent of child molesters of boys and 87 percent of child molesters of girls admitted imitating the sexual behavior they had seen modeled in pornography. Wives it is somewhat your responsibility to not lead your husband into temptation that you have the ability to somewhat control, and for those wives that use sex as a means to get something that is a form of prostitution and is equally frowned on.
God is the one who created sex. It was His gift to us. And God gave us the ability to enjoy sex not only so that we could reproduce, but it is also a way for husbands and wives to bond and experience intimacy. God wants us to experience fulfilling, joyful sexual relations with the people we are married to.
Proverbs 5:15, 18-19 reads "Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well...Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."
If God didn't want us to enjoy sexual relations, He would not have made sex pleasurable. God obviously wants us to enjoy sex and his Word makes it equally obvious that he only gives sexual relations his blessing when it occurs between a husband and a wife. If you find you are traveling down this road do your marriage a favor get help, communicate your needs with each other, get some counseling if need be. You took the vow before God, joined in a Christian institution of marriage. God gave you every instruction and example and you will ultimately be accountable to him for how you treat this institution.
The Bible says that marriage partners should offer their bodies to each other in marriage and should not deny each other except for a short season for fasting .1 Corinthians 71 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.( You will be tempted because of your lack of self control) Psychotherapist Tina Tessina, PhD, author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage," lists these as the most common causes of sexless marriages: one partner had their feelings hurt or got turned down too many times, one got too busy or neglectful, or one or both partners has a communication problem of some sort.Judith Steinhart, a clinical sexologist in New York City, is more specific: "Problems in a marriage [like] lack of trust, anxiety, financial issues, misunderstandings, pressure from children, all can impact a couple's sexual patterns." The question, of course, is whether refraining from sex causes other problems, or if the other problems stop the sex in the first place?
"It's a cycle," says Mason. In other words, one can exacerbate the other — and before you know it, no one can remember what came first.Never the less there are a lot of christian marriages that this lack of intimacy has lead to affairs,pornography,abuse and divorce, I am looking at this from the male point of view,and what effect a lack of sex and intimacy can have on a man and his behavior. Don't get me wrong we are to and given the strength in Christ to resist all temptation, but we tend to fall victim to it sometimes anyway.For lack of a better term, a horny man is more apt to give way to sexual temptation. while it is true that woman needs to have an emotional attachment and feel secure and safe with her husband,you can help your husband by not withholding sex when he has the desire to be intimate, your husbands sex drive may be more frequent than your level of intimacy and your husband should always respect your feelings and boundaries when it comes to sex. It is when you no longer are meeting your husbands needs on a regular basis that a serious problem arises.He is more prone to engage in masturbation, look at other woman and or pornography.
Matthew 5:28 (NIV)But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So now his desire for you has turned into a burning lust that can give way to fantasy and God forbid some woman giving him attention that he is no longer finding at home. You know what it feels like when you are emotionally neglected, it's that way with a man also, only he has another little brain working against him. Proverbs chapter 7;1 My child, remember what I say and never forget what I tell you to do. 2 Do what I say, and you will live. Be as careful to follow my teaching as you are to protect your eyes. 3 Keep my teaching with you all the time; write it on your heart. 4 Treat wisdom as your sister, and insight as your closest friend. 5 They will keep you away from other men's wives, from women with seductive words. 6 Once I was looking out the window of my house, 7 and I saw many inexperienced young men, but noticed one foolish fellow in particular. 8 He was walking along the street near the corner where a certain woman lived. He was passing near her house 9 in the evening after it was dark. 10 And then she met him; she was dressed like a prostitute and was making plans. 11 She was a bold and shameless woman who always walked the streets 12 or stood waiting at a corner, sometimes in the streets, sometimes in the marketplace. 13 She threw her arms around the young man, kissed him, looked him straight in the eye, and said,14 “Today I fulfilled my vows, and I have food from my fellowship offering at home." 15 I came out looking for you. I wanted to find you, and here you are! 16 I've covered my bed with sheets of colored linen from Egypt. 17 I've perfumed it with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come on! Let's make love all night long. We'll be happy in each others arms. 19 My husband isn't at home. He's on a long trip. 20 He took plenty of money with him and won't be back for two weeks."
21 So she tempted him with her charms, and he gave in to her smooth talk. 22 Suddenly he was going with her like an ox on the way to be slaughtered, like a deer prancing into a trap 23 where an arrow would pierce its heart. He was like a bird going into a net—he did not know that his life was in danger. James 1:14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.( Do you think God knows something about this?) The sight of a beautiful woman has a special power to hold men captive. God designed a natural attraction between the sexes. It exists among all humans and is arguably essential to our survival. Yet what is natural is easily perverted in the hearts and hands of fallen people. Attraction becomes lust and leads to sexual immorality. People get hurt.
There are many temptations in the world but few things hold as much sway over a man’s heart as the sight of a beautiful woman.( subjective of course) David's enemies could not control David’s life like what he innocently observed from the roof top. But was it innocent? Is it possible that David should have been somewhere else? Prior to these verses, we read, “In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem” (II Samuel 11:1). Along with being in the wrong place, it is possible that David knew in advance what he could see from the roof. ( like in the summer when we make the choice to go to the beach where woman are known to wear bikini's that expose themselves)Whatever the factors, men will always be attracted by the sight of women. The fact that the woman was bathing occasioned a more captivating lust in David’s heart.(This is what King David in 2 Samuel Chapter 11 did) vs 2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. like James 1:14-15 said "desire was enticed, conceived, and gave way to sin. This is how it always starts, we entertain the idea, the idea grows and grows until we act on it.That's when the fantasy becomes a reality, and then it's too late. You may say that God forgave David and blessed him anyway, but don't you think he allowed this to use as an example for us to see the error in our condition with regards to lust and what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart,because this is where it leads.When you are intimate with your husband or wife, there is no shame. When you fornicate or masturbate, there is shame, regret, and loss of self-respect and you will try to justify this in your mind by blaming your spouse for unmet physical or emotional needs.
(Unhealthy,unbalanced sex life could lead to pornography and destroy your marriage) There are no hard and fast numbers for the numbers of men who are addicted to pornography but psychologists often say that addiction is a sign of a deeper issue. Researcher Victor Cline (University of Utah) has documented in his research how men become addicted to pornographic materials, begin to desire more explicit or deviant material, and end up acting out what they have seen.
According to Charles Keating of Citizens for Decency Through Law, research reveals that 77 percent of child molesters of boys and 87 percent of child molesters of girls admitted imitating the sexual behavior they had seen modeled in pornography. Wives it is somewhat your responsibility to not lead your husband into temptation that you have the ability to somewhat control, and for those wives that use sex as a means to get something that is a form of prostitution and is equally frowned on.
God is the one who created sex. It was His gift to us. And God gave us the ability to enjoy sex not only so that we could reproduce, but it is also a way for husbands and wives to bond and experience intimacy. God wants us to experience fulfilling, joyful sexual relations with the people we are married to.
Proverbs 5:15, 18-19 reads "Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well...Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."
If God didn't want us to enjoy sexual relations, He would not have made sex pleasurable. God obviously wants us to enjoy sex and his Word makes it equally obvious that he only gives sexual relations his blessing when it occurs between a husband and a wife. If you find you are traveling down this road do your marriage a favor get help, communicate your needs with each other, get some counseling if need be. You took the vow before God, joined in a Christian institution of marriage. God gave you every instruction and example and you will ultimately be accountable to him for how you treat this institution.
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Comment by Rob Eiland on November 4, 2011 at 1:12am -
I really like that you point out that it is "somewhat" the wife's "responsibility". Some times men try to put it all on the wife. When at the end of the day we still have choice. But our wives can "help" us make the right choice not choose for us. Good blog Grace and Peace multiplied to you.
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