My Life

Well My name is Jessica i have lived in Tx for the past 3 years. I have two wonderful boys Jack age 3 and Justin age 20 months. For the past 2 1/2 years i have been in a really bad relationship where he was contoling and keep me away from everyone and everything. Finally i got tired of it all and left him. When my kids (not his kids btw) and i left he kicked us out of our house, and took my car from me. When my youngest son was born i stopped working to stay at home with both my kids. So the for the past 20 months or so i haven't had a job beside taking care of my family. I had no where else to go so i went to my mom's. We both went and talk to her land lord about us (my kids and i) staying with my mom till i found a place to live. They told us that there was not enought room in her 3 bedroom place for all of us so we were aloud to stay there for 3 nights and that was it. That all started Thursday. On Friday my mom and my sister and brother were planning on going to the coast for the weekend for a family reunion. Thursday we asked if there was room for us to go but was told that all the rooms were full and that it would be to crowded to add 3 more people. for 8 hrs on thrusday i packed up as much stuff as i could and get into a car. I was not able to find a truck to get all my big stuff out of the house till the next morning. The next morning i went back over to the house to get the rest of my stuff (he told me on paper that i had 3 days to get all my stuff out) At first he wasn't going to let me in. He packed up what ever he wanted me to have and had it ready for me. I was not able to look at any of the stuff that he packed and i know that he didn't give me all my stuff. EVERYTHING IS REPLACABLE. Since the law in TX is that we were married (commen law) then if i want to fight him to get anything else back or my car then i have to file for legal seperation. And i am sure alimony since i didn't work for the past 2 yrs and he took care of the 3 or us. So all weekend i had a great time relaxing and working on getting back in touch with god. Thanks to my wonderful mom. by monday we were coming back home and some of my stress was coming back so i started to stress again till my mom reminded me that god is here for me and that he loes me. I started to freak out because i only had 2 more nights to stay at my mom's house till i had to move to a homeless sheltler in another town (i didn't want to do that and i still don't) When we got back on monday it was to late to really do anything but unpack and start to settle down. so i was like great one day lost of trying to find a job and place to live and another day closer to me having to go to the shelter. I prayed to god and asked him what can i do since i lost a whole day. I was comptly broke so i was like how am i going to pay for the things that i need for my kids? I am a full time college student and i get grants and loans to help my out. I recieved an email thrusday night saying that i had a check coming witht he extra money that was left over to help me pay for other stuff for school or to help me live. TG Friday i went to the post office just in time to stop my mail from going to the house becuase i am sure that he would have took my check and destroyed it. I got it and went to open a checking account in my name. I had enough money to get us by for a while. Then my brother wanted to go to a pawn shop to buy a game and i was like well i don't need my rings any more since they don't mean anything but reminder of pain and unhappyness. so i sold then and got money to spend on our family vacation. They finally said i could go YAY. Whild on vacation my oldest son broke a table top table. Before i got back to god i would have cleaned it up and hide all the evidence that it happened at all. That was the devil trying to take over me again. But i listened to god and cleaned up the mess and decided that as soon as the office opened i would go down and let them know what happen and figure out how much i need to pay to replace what was damaged. (devil told me i have limited money and to just keep it all) i listened to god and payed for the damages. I felt much better then if i had to hide it all weekend. The weekend was much better then what i thought is was going to be and its all because i had god with me the entire weekend (and my mom helping me work to get back to love and positive all the time)
When i got up this morning i went to apply for TANF so that i can make sure that my boys and i had what we needed to live. I let them know that i am homeless and i was thinking that i will get seen right away so that i get get off the streets. Oh how wrong i was LOL. They gave me an appointment for the a week from today. I started to think negative thoughts right away. How could they think that a women with 2 small kids can live on the streets for a whole week. but i started to think that god is doing this for a reason. So i stopped getting mad and just said ok and went on about what i needed to do. I have lots of places i need to put in my applications and also apply for houseing. needed to find a place to store my stuff at my moms cuz with my stuff there it was really crowded. I went to one place and filled out an application right there and then was hired right there on the spot yay i was so happy. I start orientaion tomorrow morning at 9 am yay. so since i know had a job i could fill out my houseing application. i finished filling it out and turned it in and again was let down by what i wanted. I was homeless so i wanted them to put me in a house now!! That was not gods plan. I do not know what god plan is but i know its not the same as what i WANT so i am learing to take it day by day and to just go with what he wants me to do. Tonight i got a call from another place that i put an application in on thursday for serta mattresses. it was just what i wanted to do the pay was better then th job that i got earlier today and the hours were a lot better also i only work 4 days a week mon - thrus 3 pm -2 am so i have 3 days off to spend with my boys and friends and family, I would much rather have a set schedule so that it is easier on everyone. I have to go in to talk to the guy at serta at 230 tomorrow about the job. I also have orientaion at 9 am. I am going to do both and pray to god that he points me in the right derection as to what is best for all of us. I want the serta job but if its not in the plans then i will be ok with it and do as my loving father shows me is what i need.

This is my first time ever actually writing in a blog and i really like is so i plan on doing it more. Ty everyone for listening and thank you god for everything.