Kindness and Repentance ( Roman's 2:4)

I used to think that I would start going to church after I cleaned up my act. It's a good thing God had a different plan : ). (It would never have happened.) He came to me when I was a huge mess. I was so blinded I didn't even know what a huge mess I was!

I believe it was GOD HIMSELF that brought me to Him. He gave me revelation of His absolute perfection, wisdom, power, and love. He is wonderful beyond our understanding. We cannot tell people how wonderful He is, but we can tell them what He's done for us. We can not "fix" people by telling them what to do, but we can tell them about our Jesus who can fix them if they'll only let him. My life is not about me doing the right thing, but about me believing in and submitting to the Lord:
Philippians 2:12-13
"12Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

My story:
When I was growing up our family didn't attend church. I would hear people talk about how they had "found Jesus" and I thought it was a bit weird. I thought that as long as you didn't kill anyone or do anything really awful you would go to heaven. Then I became bulimic. My addiction (yes, bulimia is a physical addiction) caused me to do very bad things like writing bad checks and stealing from people's houses to get enough food, things I never thought I would do. I knew I if I didn't give my life to Jesus I would face judgment. But like I said, I thought I had to "fix myself "before I gave my life to him.

After I had my own son, I realized that maybe God could love me even when I was doing the absolute wrong thing. But He knew what was best for me and would not let me stay in my sin. I started going to an awesome church. They accepted me but did not excuse my behavior.

I stopped rationalizing my behavior and told the Lord I needed help! The Lord had to reveal to me Himself that I was valuable to Him because He created me, and because Jesus paid for me. Not because I was good or smart or pretty. People had told me this over and over but I didn't believe it of course : ). This scripture opened my eyes one day and I was never the same:
1 Corinthians 6:19 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own." Yay, I had value because of GOD!

I'm sorry to tell you that it was years before I stopped, but as I got to know Him more and let Him have more of me, He freed me from bulimia and lots of other stuff, too : ). My desires have changed! (And need to change even more still.)

God Himself had to remove the blindness.
God's kindness did what fear of judgment couldn't.
I didn't find Jesus, He found me.