From Sinner to Saint, the Testimony of Allan Meza

*A warning to those about to read this testimony- If you think you are without sin, think again. If you want to read this for the purpose of gossip or judging, find something else. But if you are looking for how the grace of God can transform a sinner to saint, then prepare yourself, I was not ordinary but I met The Extraordinary God.*

(There are Fast Forwards, but if you would like to read about them, let me know and in the hope to fulfill God's desire I will try and fill in the blanks as He leads.)

I was on my way to heaven, or so I thought. I was raised in a Catholic home by a mother who spent hours on end with a rosary in hand. Every day was a rosary for someone or something else, and if you asked her she would prepare one for you if you needed it. I went to a church that didn't promote reading the bible, but did promote following the priests' directives. At the age of 8 is when I was officially asked "not to return to the church until I was told to".

Fast Forward 1988 Sep 02
I needed direction in my life, I chose the Army. Now I needed a part time god (little "g" intended); one who would see me through ruck marches and weapons qualifications, one who would grant me one more breath and a half mile more than my body wanted to give. He did grant me these things, but it cost me utter exhaustion at the end of the day. I thanked God when I graduated, hoping that I would never have to go through those things again in my military career, I thought He failed me when I found out that at least 5 times a week I would have to do them all over again.

Fast Forward1989 Dec19
Panama was beautiful from 5,000 feet in the back of a C130. But our mission was to oust General Manuel Noriega from his seat as dictator of his country. The next day the invasion began and I was a "Foxhole Christian", when the bullets were flying I would stick my head in my foxhole and pray that God would see me through. I made promises I knew I couldn't keep in exchange for his grace. I already knew my marriage was headed south but I acted as though I wanted to be home with my wife. God knew otherwise.

Fast Forward1991 June
Leaving Saudi Arabia was a thrill, many a long month was spent in a desert that was heartless. I knew that I would not want to return, no matter the promotion, no matter the pay. But I didn't want to go home either, I had just recieved a bill from an abortion clinic that said my wife didn't pay her bill at the time of service two days earlier. I stood at Green Ramp (Pope AFB) with a long face and an empty heart. I left $10,000 in hopes to some day put a down payment on a house; she spent $13,000 on her and the new boyfriend. I spent $350 on a one way ticket for her to return to New Mexico. She paid for the divorce, I paid for my pain and sufferings.

Fast Forward29Feb92
In a club on the East side of Fayetteville I met a woman wearing a red dress and a smile that captured my heart. She would not hear of my past, I would not let her be burdened by my luggage. I would not know much of hers, whatever she allowed me to know I accepted. I knew she had a 4 year old daughter, and I was alright with that, in fact I think I fell in love with the child first. Soon we were living together, and in May of the following year we welcomed our second daughter into the world. I married Cora in 1995 and hoped that being married would bring blessings into our lives. I felt in my heart that there would never be another. In 1996 we drove to Los Angeles in a tiny car with only 3 spark plugs that were working, in March of 1997 we welcomed our third daughter. In November of 1998 our son was born and I switched jobs, going from a local grocery chain to work for Wal-Mart.

Fast ForwardI left a cult in the church that had me convinced that they were God ordained and Jesus led. I didn't know Jesus but I knew He couldn't be there. I began to think that life was not a matter of where you ended up but rather what you did before you got there (more points in the "Good" column than the "Bad" column meant you got to get in the pearly gates). So I began a pattern of sinning, I would gawk at one woman and help out three. I would stare at one woman's chest but take out my neighbor's trash, I thought it a "Win Win" situation. I began "harmlessly flirting" at work, after all, if my wife couldn't prove I did anything wrong,then it didn't happen.

Fast Forward Christmas 1999
Our company had a Christmas party and one associate who had already expressed her interest in this father of 4 insisted that I would go. By this time I had already dug a ditch though I had not slept with her. I figured that would have to wait until I was absolutely sure that I would not get caught. At the Christmas party I held up the wall, my wife did not come with me (for we didn't have a sitter) and now I wish she had. I was feeling as though I had no reason to keep from fulfilling the boasts I had claimed. I snuck out that night under the radar of all there, but when I got home I felt like I had already done something wrong, but nothing worth telling my wife about. That Monday I heard tale of things that I had supposedly done, and I probably would have said something about the lies, but they put me in a positive light as some sort of "player".

Fast Forward By the time my wife and I found out that we were pregnant with our 5th child I had not only slept with one but two women behind her back. Stress began to mount even greater than before, I had trouble sleeping and eating, and worse I couldn't look my wife in the eye. My wife tried all she could to keep me content in and out of bed, but I could not be what I no longer was. At work I was being blackmailed, "If you don't I'll go straight to your wife and tell her what's going on, and with whom it's going on with".

Fast Forward 2000 October 27th?
I was back to flirting by day and stressing by night, I didn't like being at home or at work. But at least if I was at work I didn't have to dodge my wife's all knowing eyes. I stood at the egg bunker (where eggs are kept for shopping) and was switching out bad eggs for good ones when I saw a scantily clad woman come into view. Then a man got in my line of sight, so I veered left to catch another glimpse, but he got in my way again.
He was about my age and about my height, but those were the only similarities. He put a thick forefinger in the center of my chest and spoke in rhythm with the syllables God gave him. "The Lord has spoken to me and I must tell you that if you do not stop your adulterous ways you will die in them!" I was taken aback, ("Who in the world is this guy and what makes him think he can talk to me in that tone?") I spent twenty minutes looking for him throughout the store but I could not find him and our Door Greeters claimed to have not seen the man dressed in all white but said they would keep their eyes out for him.
One of the Associates that worked under me was a retired Marine named Otis. Otis was quiet and humble, mild and meek, he was a Christian. He asked if I would be interested in going to a play at his church. I laughed, "Right," I said, "and when the place goes up in flames are you going to take the blame?" Otis giggled then replied "If that's what it takes for you to come I'll take the blame."
The next day Otis asked if I had the chance to go. I shook my head "No, I think I had to rearrange my sock drawer". He looked disappointed and I felt bad, I was raised to respect my elders, and Otis was at least 20 years older than I. "Well how about tonight?" he asked. I couldn't look him in the eye, instead I said "Well, I have to stay here til late."
"Tomorrow then?"
Initially I thought "Sure, I have nothing else to do on a Friday night." However the only words that I could get to come out were "Let me give you a call if I can". We exchanged numbers and I quickly sought something to do for Friday.
I couldn't find a thing to do but wonder when this horrendous game would be over or when the next time the guy in white would show up and tell me that Hell was waiting with doors wide open.
I tried to stay at work but my boss said I had to take a day off so I headed home. There I couldn't face my wife for fear she would know something was wrong, nor my kids because I was nothing like a father to them. I had mowed the lawn twice that week so it didn't make sense to do it again. My socks didn't need matching or rearranging. I gave up and called Otis. He seemed to be waiting on my call.
I told him I wouldn't go unless he did. He agreed. I said I wouldn't go unless he drove us there. He agreed. I told him that I was afraid that the church would burn down if I entered. He agreed.
But he wanted to take the risk anyways.

The play was called "Heaven's Gates Hell's Flames"
I entered Arran Lakes Baptist Church with 2 things on my mind: Find a woman I could sit next to that I could distract long enough to make contact with; and figure out what to do while this play was on, after all, I only wanted somewhere to be that wasn't home. I walked in and joked to Otis that if he smelled any fire it was because I was there, then I sought a seat and found one on the aisle next to a group of young women; and behind me sat Otis and his wife Bev.
The director of the play spoke plainly about the need for salvation and the results of our disobedience. I muffled a laugh and surpressed a snort. He warned that the sound of gunfire would be present and that children under 7 would probably be best left in daycare. I wondered why younger kids couldn't be there then I thought back to an old southern saying that was phrased "The Age of Accountability" (Supposedly until the age of 13 or so the sins of the children are on the parents, or something to that effect).
The lights were not dimmed slowly, darkness slammed down on the whole sanctuary and suddenly there was a hush across the audience. Quite scary, actually. The man I later learned to be a local DJ for a Christian radio station was kneeling right beside me as a song called "La Villa Dolorosa" began playing overhead.
Boom! A red light shone on his ragged robe, the blood on his forehead and across his shoulders was believable and the drops that fell from a thorny crown were leaving a trail as he made his way towards the stage. I thought Jesus had just entered the room, it was the only thing I had right all night long until that point.
I watched in horror as he stumbled on to the stage, his cross too heavy to bear. Then two men came up on stage and took the cross from his weary shoulders and stood it up. (I was thankful too, for I was thinking about doing the same but I knew it wasn't my place.) Then the screams of dozens of teens broke the eerie song that was creeping through my skin on it's way to my heart. They jumped on stage and began beating the very "Jesus" who had so painstakingly made his way to the stage! What a tragedy, don't they know what they're doing?
The devil made his way on stage and spoke in a tongue that was a cross between demons and Darth Vader. He ranted and raved about how Jesus would die at his hands. Then this "Jesus" died and the devil danced across the stage joyously. But the narrator wasn't done yet, when he announced that this Jesus had died, he said that He was buried in an unmarked tomb. The devil danced. "But 3 days later, He rose again!"
The devil tried to flee the stage but had nowhere to go, the keys of Hell and the grave dancing about his waist.
Jesus had only to extend His hand in glory and the devil had to relenquish the keys to the Lord.

(If you've never seen the play, please do. If you have, share your experience.)

The play had about 10 segments that lasted about 5 minutes each. Each was unique, they expressed the need to be saved and in almost each episode I was glued to the stage. Questions I didn't know I had were being answered:

You can never be good enough to be allowed in heaven;

God has no grandchildren

God is no respecter of man

There is no way to heaven except through Jesus

It doesn't matter who you know that has gone on to heaven if you don't know Jesus yourself

There are alot of "good" people burning up in hell

Being saved isn't fire insurance, it's more than a way of life

I began to suffer from something I now call "White Knuckle Disease". Jesus was speaking to me through the actors on stage and I had a death grip on the pew in front of me. I spoke to Jesus from my heart, "Can I come to You Jesus?" "Will you take me in?" "If I died tonight I would split the gates of Hell wide open, can I go to heaven instead?"
He opened my heart and twisted my eyes until tears began flowing uncontrollably. "Yes, Yes, and Yes! There is but one thing I ask of you, child, "Are you willing to Accept, Believe, and Confess?"
I didn't think twice, before the curtain was down and the preacher was preaching I had relinquished my death grip on the pew.
"Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes Lord!"
I was sweating, I was crying, I was shaking, I was no longer burdened, the huge stress ball I dragged around like a ball and chain was nowhere around. My wife would not know immediately, but I was sure to tell her that the life I led was no longer an option. Though I didn't know the first thing about the verse I knew that Jesus had told me "Behold, all things are new"

Now all I had to do was share the love of Jesus with others. I was bound and determined to share what He did for me with anyone willing to listen.

While there is much more I could tell you, especially the life after accepting Christ, I have through God's blessed grace, been saved and shared my testimony with you.
If you know Him I pray that this testimony is a blessing to you.
If you don't know Him I pray that this testimony motivates you to know my precious Savior. What He did for me was a miracle, He raised me from the dead, He gave me new life, He gave me reason to live and reason to die. He gave me a home in heaven, He told me so when He said "In My Father's House there are many mansions, if it were not so, I would have told you, I go to prepare a place for you".

There is a God, there is a Heaven, and there is a Hell. And, thankfully, there is a choice you can make.

If you've never accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior and you would like to I invite you to say a prayer something like this:

Dear God,
I am a sinner in need of the Savior. I believe Jesus Christ was crucified, died for my sins, buried, and rose again the third day according to the Scriptures. I know that there is no way to heaven except through Jesus, and I confess my sins unto you. I receive You as my personal Lord and Savior and ask you to reside in my heart and soul forevermore.
In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen


Romans 10:9-10
"If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."

In His Almighty Everlasting Service
Your Brother In Christ,

Allan Meza