So ive come to Christ...and ive healed..now that Im content and happy and movivng forward my ex keeps wanting to come back around and he wants to be freinds, I feel bad but I dont want to be his freind. I just want to start a new chapter in my life..so I'll be patient Im on God's time not my own but maybe the ex is a test of my obedience? lol..
Be strong my friend! I often find myself in the same situation asking the same questions.
I know for me I am not strong enough yet to be around certain people because I'm not yet able to fight the influence of my own feelings verses what God has planned for me.
I get what your saying and I really loved your reply. I know or atleast think you may have read about my testimony (which im writing a part2) but he is the source of a lot of past pain in my life cheating, lying, mentally abusive mind u he is not the one who hit me but still the pain he caused me was far deeper then the one who hit me. That healed way quicker! I have let that go. Im not mad at him or angry. I agree with what you say that there will always be abond. He and I went back and fourth for almost ten years he cheated twice and one of those times resulted in a child being born. He just now in june had another child by another women. So now here we fast forward to November where its getting cold, he is with neither women and he is lonely and stressed. Should I be the shoulder? Do I have to be the crutch? Im a good person but doesnt the bible also say gurad your heart for out if it flows the wellspring of life? How can I guard my heart if he wants to call me all the time? I day call because I have hung out with him a couple months ago and decided hanging out was not gonna happen. Oned could say what harm is there in a call then? Well once he called to say ...I dont like your picture of Jesus on your page take it down (facebook). He no longer goes to church but he was raised as a jehovahs witness. Another time he was flirting shamlessely and im like ok..is this what you called for? Not to be rude but im not having this conversation. Most time its small talk and he ends up fliriting and i usually dont respond. So last night he calls and hes asking me dumb questions..like if i have a bf cuz i never call him ect. I dont want hear him talk about his life...am I being selfish? Am I wrong? Do I have to be his freind? One of my freinds who is a awesome evangelists added him on fb so cant i just fade and remove myself..I was doing well I had no contact with him and now he found me and thinks were freinds...i dont expect a sorry I dont think I will ever get one and Im fine with that but does it make it okay for him to have the privilage of being in my life? Ugh..i know Jesus never would turn anyone away. I will just pray that God will help me make the right decision in this area of my life.
another thing..wouldnt allowing this person to possibly hurt me again not honor God also? @kim I wrote a blog in august of 2009 when i first came to libaw, that same day i told my ex to stay out of my life..(who wants to be my buddy now) anyways i just re read this great article Debbie gave me about a similiar topic.. http://kuyakevin.blogspot.com/2008/09/forgiveness-vs-trust.html
Wow, I had to go read that article again myself : ).
I am praying for you! But I won't give you any advice because I have no idea what God has planned for you.
Since I have been around for a loooong time (43 years), I have hung out with quite a few friends who were in abusive relationships. Most of the time the perpetrator is unable to change, but the few times it has worked out have been when the victim is able to be strong enough in the Lord to not be the victim anymore. One sign that the perpetrator has truly changed is that he will accept your choice about whether or not the relationship should continue. He can't try to manipulate you into returning to the relationship, even if it's by being really nice so you'll feel guilty. He has to accept that you are a person and not a puppet!
I hope this makes sense I'm running on half a brain right now : )
Yes Debbie this makes complete sense! I agree that I have healed but I forget to remind myself who I walk with so I should not be fearful of him hurting me again I roll with the King lol, all jokes aside though..we had a lifegroup at church last night and we were talking about grace and how some of us may get it later on in life then others but it doesnt mean they deserve it any less. i think that I can extend the same grace was given BUT I agree with you completly that he has to understand and respect my life now and that I am NOT his puppet if he gets it easily then I will be able to chat here and there but if it proves to be difficult I have to do what is best for me! I think that is one thing he does not like I used to be the girl who would hang on his every word and call him exactly the time he told me too and if he called i answered everytime no matter what. That is no longer true for him and he needs to learn and deal or he cant be a part of my life. It makes perfect sense now in what your saying. I was kinda busy the last few weeks and he got angry because i wasnt responding so he delted me off his facebook. I talked to him and he re-added me later but he said well u hardly return my calls. I had to explain to him he no longer has those privilages in my life and that God comes first without a doubt! By the way Deb i shared that article last night with a lady at church who was in an abusive relationship for 8 years and its still fresh. I think she it will clear some things up like it did for me! Thanks for the advice I Know what to do!
things have already imrpoved im pass the angry and sad parts of my life (with my ex) by the grace of God ....im doing well he is just more of an annoyance but i am still just going to be me..if he can handle it cool if not then he cant be a part of life thats it...i just dont want him trying to hang out wiht me..i have already started a new chapter in my life and i am praying on and waiting for my man of God..but thanks for advice Greg! For the meantime I have never been happier!