Start them off young,then what?

The cure of crime is not in the electric chair, but in the high chair.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

My fiance and I have two very different ways of raising up kids. I was taught at a young age to train your child up the minute he/she is able to understand(2-5). The minute they become defiant, you are to nip it in the butt with a spanking. You let them know about good people(green, safe people)and bad people(red, unsafe people). You tell them not to engage with strangers and to g o someone they trust if they're in trouble or feel unsafe. You talk to them about good and bad touches and to come to you if it happens. I have done this with my children. I have spanked them, grounded them and disciplined them when they needed it and rewarded them when they were good and stuck by it. Not through my hands in the air and give up. Not let them speak their minds to adults in a disrespectful way. Not give into them when they cry to you about how unfair it is to be grounded. Not buy them things to surpass their temper tamtrums or misbehavior. All of which my fiance's child is doing and receiving. And when my fiance comes to me about it or when his son gets direspectful towards me; I let him(fiance)know what he needs to do and with me, his son don't get away with his behavior(which makes it very difficult for me).

So what do I do? I love this man of mine and his son. It hurts me when I see and have to deal with disrespect. Help me please and pray as well.