"You can observe a lot by seeing."
Religious Outcast (A Meditation On The Loneliness of Christianity)
Following Jesus Christ in my life has meant discovering the most magnificent treasure in the universe that almost no one else cares to hear about or discuss.
My Christian life has been a continuous adventure of epic proportions for me. I am ravished on a daily basis by the wonder of God's majesty through the Bible through the Spirit. There are times when of meditation, prayer, or study where the Spirit moves upon me and I just cry because Jesus Christ is so beautiful to me. His glory is such that the most magnificent words cannot even begin to describe, and the only way that I can try is to say that to see God as He is, is to see the most beautiful, powerful, valuable, fascinating, inspiring, captivating, heart wrenching, soul stirring, transforming, amazing, awesome, and dazzling reality imaginable. It is so enveloping and overwhelming that it instantly becomes the greatest focus, passion, and pursuit of your life.
Yet somehow all of this joy feels incomplete when there is no one else to share it with. Have you ever thought about the fact that the best things are better when enjoyed with someone else? It is like the joy is only potential until you can find someone else to share it with. It seems most obvious to me therefore, that all enjoyment spontaneously erupts into praise, and is not complete until we have someone else praising whatever it is with us.
This creates a dilemma for me because the things that grip me the most affectionally; the things that have been most precious to my heart and dazzling to my eyes are things that almost every other person I have ever talked to about them have become very uncomfortable, shaken up, silent, and even irritated with. Over and over again it happens: awkward silences, short irritated responses, uncomfortable shifting, and infrequent and very tense encounters even with other people who say that they follow Christ also! My soul is in turmoil within me day to day. All of this wonder, delight, and awe that I am constantly overwhelmed by; Christ, by the Holy Spirit and the Bible, is becoming clearer and clearer to me, ravishing my soul and lifting me up on wings of glory, and yet I am increasingly alone in it. There is almost no one to share this experience with, and just about everyone that I try to draw up into it just gets nervous and uncomfortable with what I see in the Bible.
I guess in all of this I have some questions that I am asking: Should I ever expect for people to take an interest in these things instead of shutting me out of church after church and life after life? How can there be so much tension over the most foundational elements of Christ with people who themselves profess faith in Christ? Why do people refuse to take the Bible seriously, and deny even the simplest and plainest statements in it?
I just don't understand, and if there is anyone out there who cares; anyone who really wants to connect with me and talk. I am a Reformed Christian Hedonist who just wants Jesus Christ to be glorified in the world through the proclamation of the correct understanding of who He really is.
Tags: reproach
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nick Larson on -
I often to find comfort from the scripture when I read about those who had it badly. John the baptist was one. He preached the Kingdom of God, pointed people to Jesus, and was arrested and beheaded for it. Of course Jesus was this way a lot. He would start out with huge followings, and then the end of his sermon would end up with only the twelve. Even among them was a devil (Judas). So, what should I expect if I follow Jesus?
"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. But beware of men, for they will deliver you up to councils and scourge you in their synagogues...Now brother will deliver up brother to death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and cause them to be put to death. And you will be hated by all for My name’s sake. But he who endures to the end will be saved. When they persecute you in this city, flee to another. For assuredly, I say to you, you will not have gone through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes. A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household! " Matthew 10:16-25).
How much more those of His household! That is me, and oh I wish it wasn't. How I just want people to know how wonderful Jesus is. Holiness is not stressful or irritating. It is very satisfying and glorious, and so is everything about God! Deeply deeply satisfying and rejuvenating. Not heavy, boring, hard, or complicated.
Also what I mean by Reformed Christian Hedonist, is not that I formerly was a hedonist, but that I am a Christian Hedonist now. I believe that ultimate joy and pleasure is to be found in the glorification of Christ by the Holy Spirit in the Word of God. In other words, God's pursuit of glory and my pursuit of happiness are the same pursuit. I am reformed because I believe in the absolute value, sovereignty, and supremacy of God over all things even human wills, calamities, and judgment. It is just what I see very plainly in the Bible.
So, right about now, if you are anything like every other person that I have talked to about this, my words above are making you nervous or uncomfortable. I just wish that it wasn't that way.
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Permalink Reply by Nick Larson on
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So what you are saying is go higher up and further in? Well that it where I am going, and have been for the past four years. My observation however, is that the higher up and further in I go the more alone I am in the world. Even to the contention between churches and I. It is a loneliness that is hard to just ignore, especially when it is everywhere you go. It is almost like people think that your words are going to poison them or something.
I know that through many tribulations that we must enter the Kingdom of God, and that part of the command to take up your cross is to suffer the reproaches that come with the Name of Christ. It just gets hard sometimes, and really gets you questioning yourself. Maybe I just need to do what Jesus did, and tell people to get in or get out. I don't know. Please pray for me.
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Permalink Reply by Jere on -
There are many who shut God out - their hearts hard as rock.
Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves, our egos, our anxieties or our things, that God’s word cannot squeeze through the stranglehold these they have on us; then, sometimes, we’re good soil, we’re open, receptive to God’s whisper in our hearts.
So, where is our heart today? What kind of soil are we? Is there some part of our heart that is still hard, some part of our life where we’re not seeing God and not listening to God’s word? Is there some relationship, some addiction, some worry, some hurt that is so deeply imbedded in us that we can’t give it to God? Is there something that is so important to us that we don’t want God to mess with it? Is there some little secret we have kept from everyone and we foolishly think we can keep it from God? Do we in effect say to God: “Lord, I love you and I give you everything…well, everything except this one little thing?”
"Let the dead bury their dead. But you, go and proclaim the Kingdom of God."
Jesus and his disciples are on a journey. The disciples have now been with Jesus for some time. They've entered into his way of life, trying to follow him. That's, of course, what every Christian is trying to do.
The disciples who were chosen by Christ have their weaknesses, faults and foibles. They're not yet perfect in love. And the same is true for us. We see the rough edges of the disciples in their occasional bickering or doubts about who Jesus is and where he's leading them. And we see plenty of examples of strife and contention within the body of Christ today manifested in a proliferation of denominations, each claiming to rightly interpret the Scripture, each claiming others are in error. Differences in doctrine, belief, worship, and practice abound among Christians. So we're not quite perfect, not quite there, but we're on the way. We're in the same place as the disciples.
Jesus and his disciples became signs of contradiction in their time, out of step with the values and expectations of their society. The apostle Paul emphasizes how the Christian message always puts us out of step with those around us: "Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to the Gentiles, but to those who are called, Christ is the power and wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God
is stronger than human strength" (1 Cor 1: 22-23).
In a world obsessed with materialism, in a shop-until-you-drop society, they profess poverty.
In a world eager to turn everything into a commodity, where even human sexuality becomes a trade item to be used in advertising or sold for entertainment, they profess chastity.
And in a world preoccupied with self, with "me," (my will, my autonomy, my independence), they profess obedience.
They become signs of contradiction.
The infinite truth of God is there revealed to us in Scripture, and yet we remain empty, unable to grasp, to comprehend, to fully understand.
Obedience to the word of God means we have to accept that word as it is given to us. We can't be selective; we can't pick and choose. We can't change it or soften it to fit our own tastes, even when the word is challenging or difficult, even when it's something like, "Let the dead bury their dead."
The way of Christ or the way of the cross seems like foolishness to the world. This can be frustrating to us as Christians, but this realization shouldn't cause us to waver or become jaded. Persistence and endurance do pay off. The way of Christ is always the way of the cross, leading to resurrection. It means a daily dying to self and rising to new life, to new love in Christ. Looking to new possibilities of love, we continually leave the old
self, the dead self, behind. And, we don't look back.
So I say keep on proclaiming the kingdom of Christ, sharing the good news of salvation by grace through faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and illuminating the light of Christ in this dark world.
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Permalink Reply by Donnaahoo on -
I really want to reply to your discussion Nick, but at the present I can't because when I have been feeling the same for the last 14 years, so isolated from other Christians who don't exhibit fruit they have a relationship: a love affair with our Lord. I so totally understand where you are coming from.
It is timing you brought this up now, because I too have been greiving these same issues. My only close friend who I can relate to is ironically, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit; feading on his word every day. Others close to me do not or cannot understand the depth of my committment.
Anyway, just want to say your not alone. I have no idea why you used a label of reformed Christian Hedonist, because I have no idea what that means or represents though, to be truthful.
It is a narrow road and few find it or stay on it: I wandered off a couple of times in the past, due to hardship, distractions and cares of the world; all like sheep have gone astray.
It takes a daily committment to acknowledge his presence in every aspect of my waking life. Not many people want to commit to a 24/7 relationship and this is spoken of in the bible. That is why I like this site. I have found there are truly committed people here and I can feel sincerity and wisdom in many of the discussions members are involved in. Of course, I am new and have not researched more yet, but I plan to stay here.
I also recently found a pretty decent church two Sundays ago and my husband and I are confident in this one. It is plain, no drama, no entertaining, glitter or fancy power points; just the Holy word of God, the Lords supper, prayer and sincere fellowship. Just what we have been searching for a long time. I Praise God for this!
Anyway, your not alone Nick, "Over and over again it happens: awkward silences, short irritated responses, uncomfortable shifting, and infrequent and very tense encounters even with other people who say that they follow Christ also! My soul is in turmoil within me day to day." DITTO
In Christ,
Donna
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Permalink Reply by Alain M. Paguntalan on -
I am very grateful with your heart Nick for going more deeper your intimacy to our King. I 'm one of a former dogma Christian also with no direction. But thanks be to God when I fully understand the kingdom concept my life becomes meaningful and very blessed. I'm in kingdom living right now and one of Christ Ambassador!!! Keep up the good fight in Christ Nick you have my blessings and prayer!!!!
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